Post Feminism or Sexist Denial: Sexual Assault In America

By Nicole Ouimette

I run a blog on tumblr. A lot of the time I get the question, "So what exactly are you fighting for?" "Wait, women got the right to vote a while ago! Women have all the rights they need!" and of course my favorite, "Shut up feminist bitch, I'll put you back in the kitchen."

We live in a post feminist society just as much as we live in a post racial or post heterosexist one. Which is to say, we don't. Sure, women have received many beneficial "rights", rights that can be taken away with the introduction of any law or bill, but who is anyone to say that we have all the rights we need? It is another way of shutting us up and putting us down, so the powers that be can have full control over us. It's time to erase this thought that anyone has all the rights we need, because as long as we live in a patriarchal, capitalist society that will never hold true.

This will be a 5 part article dealing with the following inequalities: Sexual Violence, Economics, Domestic Violence, Mainstream Beauty Standards, and finally Politics.

Let's talk about sexual violence. Every 2 minutes someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted.* 1 out of 6 American women will be the victim of attempted or completed rape in their lifetimes. *

I'm well aware that sexual assault/rape is not  a single gender issue. In fact it encompasses the gender spectrum, but let me be clear when I say that sexual assault/rape happens more often to those who are seen as female identified, than those who would identify as male nor any gender at all. "About 3% of American men -- or 1 in 33-- have experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetimes."*

Lifetime rate of rape /attempted rape for women by race:^1*

• All women: 17.6%
• White women: 17.7%
• Black women: 18.8%
• Asian Pacific Islander women: 6.8%
• American Indian/Alaskan women: 34.1%
• Mixed race women: 24.4%

The chart up above also shows the inequalities of race and rape. So, when you talk to me about how we live in a post feminist/post racial society I suggest looking deeper into the issues instead of simply denying privilege and oppression. It's a serious matter and should be treated as such. Rape should not be a punch line and when you regard it as such, it trivializes the crime, therefore rape is not taken seriously. Neither is sexism or racism.

Of course there is the issue of sexual assault/rape in adults, but we cannot forget how rampant it is in children as well:

15% of sexual assault and rape victims are under age 12.^3*

• 29% are age 12-17.
• 44% are under age 18.³
• 80% are under age 30.³
• 12-34 are the highest risk years.
• Girls ages 16-19 are 4 times more likely than the general population to be victims of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault.

What's even worse is that 93 percent of juvenile sexual assault victims know their attacker personally. So, is this a public or private issue? And what the hell does it have to do with feminism? 

LOTS!

When you have such high numbers in statistics such as these, it becomes a public issue. An issue that needs to be taken seriously, which it is not, seeing as sexual assault/rape is still occurring at high rates in this country. Feminism advocates the equality between genders, although it should be defined more as the belief to end all oppressions between gender lines, race, sexual orientation, etc. Feminism is for the abolishment of patriarchy, and although it never quite says so, capitalism as well. 

Without addressing patriarchy and intersectionalities, as well as privilege and oppression, I don't believe we can truly end sexual assault/rape. I believe we need to get to the root of the problems we face before we can claim "post feminism" or "post racial" or really "post any kind of oppressive structure". It's naive to do so, and blatantly ignorant to the problems facing millions of Americans today and every day. 


*Statistics taken from the RAINN website.

Shaving: A Choice, Not A Mandatory Obligation

“Let me buy you a razor, honey.”

This is only one of the many things I’ve heard since I entered adolescence at the young age of eleven. Hair was growing everywhere; my legs, vagina, neck, arms, and belly. I didn’t ask for it, but my body was made that way. My body is still made that way. And so, even with shaving my body was still prickly and I always felt like an outcast. 

Ostracized by my own peers through middle and high school, I found that the only way to be accepted was to take a razor to my skin and remove the hair. Sometimes there would be cuts and nicks, but it didn’t matter as long as I was accepted by my peers.

I am 20 years old now. I stopped caring about shaving at the age of 18, although I had never really cared all that much to begin with. It was mostly the ideas of others ingrained in my mind of the idea that women need to shave everything but their heads. 

This article will contain the answers to many questions, answered by women and those who may not identify with any gender, that ask: Why don’t you shave? What are the harmful things people have said? What does femininity mean to you?

I am Nicole Ouimette, age 20 and I rarely shave because my hairy body makes me who I am and and I prefer to live outside gender norms, rather than adhere to society’s beauty standards. Although, I understand why many would do it.

Camille Cassingham, 19 who stopped shaving at 16 tells why she stopped shaving:

I realized that not shaving was an option. It slowly dawned on me that it was unfair that girls have to shave all over their bodies and boys don’t. Then it became a conscious decision and I stopped shaving all together.

Olivia Burton, 21 stopped shaving last summer and explains why she stopped shaving:

I don’t like shaving. It takes a long time and wastes water. It’s unnecessarily expensive and capitalistic.

Lydia Nelson, 20 stopped shaving earlier this year and tells their story of not shaving:

I realized there wasn’t a point to shave. I don’t care if people think of me as masculine and I don’t see why males don’t have to shave when females do.

People can be cruel, especially when an individual doesn’t adhere to norms and mores that society has set up for us. These can have damaging affects on  young women and men’s self esteem, but the following women have triumphed in the face of insecurity.

Lauren Dobinson, 22 who stopped shaving at 17 tells what has been said to her as a result of not shaving:

People will stare or take a second look, guys at the bars will say “ewww” and call me disgusting.

Emma Vroom, 17 who stopped shaving at 17 explains what family members have said to her after she decided to stop shaving:

They [family members] have told me I am gross and that people won’t be attracted to me.

Katie Roeth, 20 who stopped shave at 14 describes names she has been called from a result of not shaving:

I get called disgusting, gross, dirty, unhygienic, a heathen, a hippie, a bum, a boy, a tree hugger, an amazon woman.

Then, there is the attack of one’s femininity as a result of not shaving. I’m less of a woman, more of a man. I have “manly” arms, legs, stomach, neck. But what exactly is femininity? Who decides what is feminine and what isn’t? The following women answer just that question.

Hannah Russell, 19 who stopped shaving earlier this year says on femininity:

It’s more like a feeling than a set of qualities and behaviors.

Heather Smith, 21 who never really started shaving says feminity:

It [femininity[ isn’t an outward appearance, but rather a state of mind.

Lauren Dobinson says on femininity:

There are a lot more ways to be feminine than the socially constructed definition. I view it more as a spectrum instead of key ideas or characteristics.

Being ostracized by your peers can hurt a lot, but it really doesn’t have to. You can be self confident in your own skin, hair or no hair. It’s really great to have a support system, either from your friends or family. 

Everyone is beautiful. No one is ugly. And it’s time to stop letting people put us down based on our physical appearances. Those shouldn’t jabs to our self esteem, they should be passing comments that go through one year and out the other.

Love your body. Love yourself.

The Myth of Being A Slut

(Published at lawsonry.com)

If we want to look at the dictionary definition, a slut is someone who is sexually promiscuous or has loose sexual morals (whatever that means). But, in a society where the objectification of women is so rampant and the word slut is not only restricted to sex, but to any other behavior deemed “unnatural” for a woman it’s easy to get lost in the rhetoric of slut-shaming. And just so there is no confusion whatsoever, slut-shaming is when a woman is policed and labeled a slut based on her sexual promiscuity.

Research has been done to show the effects on objectification of women in the media and the results are disturbing. The Journal of Personality and Social Psychologysays, ”Depression, appearance anxiety, body shame, sexual dysfunction, and eating disorders are only a few among the growing list of repercussions.” Contrary to what the dictionary has to say about the word, I have been labeled a slut because I wouldn’t shut up, discussed sex freely, and also had sex (lots of it). As a young woman, I found out being a slut didn’t mean you only had sex; it meant you talked about it, you were opinionated, and you defended yourself. It was the quickest jab to my reputation even at the young age of fifteen.

So, am I a slut? I enjoy sex and not necessarily monogamous sex. I am opinionated and will defend myself when I need to. I identify as a queer woman, so when I talk about how I am turned on by those of the same sex, am I also a slut then? Yes and no. By society’s definition, I am most definitely characterized as a “slutty woman.” I like short dresses and skirts. I like to show off cleavage. It’s my choice to do so after all. But, I am also not a slut because sluts do not exist. Sluts are a figment of the patriarchal imagination and in that imagination they are not only sexually active women, they are also thinking, working, productive women who strive to be the best they can be. Again, I say sluts do not exist.Anyone can be called a slut, even men. A slut for being assertive. A slut for speaking out. There’s even a Facebook page titled, “Shut Up, You Stupid Slut!” (You can type in the word Slut on Facebook and come up with many pages that are similar) The word slut has been so loosely used in past years that the societal definition has become confusing. But “slut” isn’t alone – there are other words that are being used as a way to weaken a woman’s “good” reputation. Words like, “cunt”, “dyke”, and “whore” are tossed around synonymously with “slut”. I hear it all the time when I’m out in public and men comment on what a woman is wearing by saying, “Oh wow, what a slutty cunt.” Or, “Look at that dress she’s wearing, she looks like such a dyke whore.”

Sluts are a myth.

They myth of “the slut” is that women who like to have a lot of sex are sex-hungry, blindly fucking monsters from hell. Essentially, this idea stems from insecurity from other women and men who are afraid of female sexuality, for whatever reason that may be. It is also scary to a society that values a “good girl” image from all women, from the time a young girl reaches adolescence until the day she dies. The myth of the slut is used to control women so they will sit down, shut up and keep their legs closed. As for men, they are seen as sexually promiscuous by nature.

Herein lies the double standard. Women are sluts. Men are studs. Women are filthy. Men are clean. Jessica Valenti puts it perfectly in He’s a Stud, She’s a Slut, and 49 Other Double Standards A Woman Should Know, when she says “Men who have a lot of sexual partners are studs, Casanovas, pimps, and players. Never sluts.” And even when a man is called a slut, it’s never just slut. It’s either man-slut or man-whore. It’s always derived from the feminine and there is never an original derogatory term for men who have promiscuous sex.

Now, I recently got into a debate with a young woman on my blog. This is what she had to say about “sluts” and my view on them:

“I don’t even think YOU should refer to women who choose to screw whom they please as sluts (the majority of people have that word registered in their brains as something dirty, wrong, disgusting…) but, I can’t prohibit you to stop using any word at that. “Slutting” is -for the most part- quite degrading when done without a single thought. Women who fuck just because they can, without a thought, without evening questioning if the person they’re screwing even has respect for them or sees them as just a whore, concubine, harlot, jezebel… is wrong. I don’t have respect for girls who fuck without thinking a single thought before the deed is done. Who don’t think for themselves; for their own damn good! I’ve seen guys laugh and talk shit about girls they’ve fucked, because no respect was established whatsoever… And, I’ve witnessed sluts hit on my boyfriend, them being fully aware that he’s taken, it makes me sick. No respect for self nor fellow females and couples overall! My point being, know what you’re supporting, every single tiny spec of it.

Everyone has the right to pork whom they please, no problem there but when you’re fucking just anyone without really knowing what kind of a person they are don’t get pissy when they call you names or treat you a certain way; it’s your own fault. Set them straight before it’s too late.

I hope I’m not misunderstood.”

I try to keep my mind open at all times, especially when young women start slut-shaming. I attempt to understand 1) Why are they slut-shaming? 2) What are their experiences? And 3) How can I talk to them about what they are saying and why it is wrong? In this case the first two have been understood, but the third was the hardest to address. While I can’t and won’t link you to the full-on discussion I had with her, I will address how problematic her statement is and how it really does affect young girls and women.

She seems to project this idea of “the slut” which is a mind numbing, blindly fucking monster from hell who wants nothing more than to make every girl’s worst nightmare of stealing their partner come to life. It’s an idea made up in most women’s minds because of insecurities not dealt with head on. She also assumes that because a woman is having sex with more than one person within a short period of time that that woman is somehow not respecting herself. This is straight up offensive to women around the world who have multiple sexual partners, but it is not an unusual stance on the matter. Friends of the past have told me, “Nicole, why don’t you have more self-respect?” But the thing is, I do! I have a lot of it! I have enough self-respect to stick up for my opinions in a public domain, don’t I? And a lot of young women are faced with this argument; that somehow if you have a lot of sex and enjoy it you can’t respect yourself. It’s a lie.

“Everyone has the right to pork whom they please, no problem there but when you’re fucking just anyone without really knowing what kind of a person they are don’t get pissy when they call you names or treat you a certain way; it’s your own fault.”

What really got my blood boiling out of all that she said, was the “it’s your own fault” card. Victim blaming, anyone? This is the epitome of rape culture and the phrase used the most in order to demonize young women according to their sexuality. The really interesting part of the sentence is the fact that she contradicts herself completely by saying everyone has the right to have sex with whom they please, but don’t come crying when you get harassed or called names! She doesn’t explicitly say the word “rape” in there, but it is definitely implied with the rest of what she is saying.

Comments like the one up above are what contributes to a rape culture that is set on limiting a woman’s sexuality. That is not okay with me, as a rape survivor, and other young women like me who aren’t ashamed of their sexuality. Slut is a term that is archaic and needs to be taken back from the community it has so often been used against.

The slut debate has been ignited mostly by the recent Slutwalks taking place all over the country and world. Whether you think it’s a joke, empowering, or you don’t care, the discussion is happening and people are talking about “sluts.” There needs to be a greater emphasis on the double standard between female and male sexuality, and if being a slut means having a lot of sex and enjoying it, then I’m a damned slut.